


Dead Men Don't Come Knocking

by bearfeathers



Category: The Avengers (2012), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Fix-It, Gen, Halloween, Scary Movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-31
Updated: 2012-10-31
Packaged: 2017-11-17 10:48:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/550736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearfeathers/pseuds/bearfeathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Witches and Goblins and Jack-o'-Lanterns bright<br/>creep through the town on a cold, October night.<br/>You hear the sound of running feet when nothing can be seen<br/>and the strangest thing can happen on a wild Halloween!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dead Men Don't Come Knocking

_“Sir, Agent Coulson is on the line.”_

There are few things that get Tony’s attention when he’s in entertainer mode; this is one of them. It’s a dark and stormy Halloween Night, five months after the Battle for Manhattan. Stark Tower has since been christened as Avengers Tower, with said Avengers having been assembled inside over the course of those five months. They’d all gone their separate ways after the battle, but one-by-one they’d found their way back. Just like Tony knew they would.

Steve had been the first. After a month of riding his motorcycle around the U.S., the Man Out of Time had grown homesick for New York. His apartment had been waiting for him, but it took surprisingly little effort to move his scant belongings into the Tower. Clint and Natasha had come next, about a week after Steve. Although Clint had been cleared by three different psychiatrists for a return to the field, the scars left from his time under Loki’s control were still visible to anyone who cared to look. Fury took Tony’s standing invitation for the Avengers to move into his tower and turned it into an order. Natasha had little problem in upping and moving, but Clint put up a little bit of a fuss, insisting that they were making a mountain of a molehill. In the end, Fury’s threat of being banned from the shooting range was enough to get him to comply and four months later he’s the better for it.

Bruce didn’t arrive until September. Clint and Natasha had, against all odds, gotten some surprise backup from the Hulk while on an assignment in Kuala Lumpur. It turned out Steve hadn’t been the only one feeling a little homesick for New York. Or, perhaps in Bruce’s case, it was homesickness of a different sort. When Tony, Steve and Pepper had been at the landing pad to greet them—with Tony holding up a hand-written sign that merely stated ‘Big Guy’—Bruce couldn’t help but smile. It was good to be home. Thor had been the last to return just a short two weeks prior. Through the power of the Tesseract and Odin’s magic, they’d finished the reconstruction of the Bifrost at last, meaning Thor was free to come and go between Earth and Asgard without trouble. He’d spent the last two weeks getting accustomed to the space Tony had set up for him in the Tower, and Jane was due to arrive in just a short week.

This was the state of affairs up until Halloween Night.

_“Sir, Agent Coulson is on the line.”_

There’s a bit of silence after the announcement from Jarvis, punctuated by the sound of the storm raging outside.

“That’s not fucking funny, Tony,” Clint says venomously.

“It’s not me!” Tony protests. “Yeah, I play some lousy jokes, but do you honestly think I’m that sick?”

“No. You’re not,” Pepper says, frowning as she glances up at the ceiling. “Does JARVIS have a bug?”

“He can’t have a bug, I made him,” Tony replies, as though it were common sense.

“Well, can you scan for one anyway?” Steve asks, looking as though his mood had done a complete 180.

“…yeah. I can do that,” Tony says with a sigh. “JARVIS ignore that call. We’re gonna give you a quick check-up, okay buddy?”

_“As you wish, sir.”_

“And while that’s going, why don’t you finicky fucks pick out a movie already?” Tony demands, glancing briefly at the status bar on the scan.

There is a brief squabble over what movie should be watched first and the team settles on having JARVIS randomly generate a movie title. Which is how they end up watching _When a Stranger Calls_. The lights go out and they’re scattered in various positions around the communal living room. Bruce excuses himself briefly for more hot apple cider and Clint whisper-calls for the scientist to bring him a candy apple on his way back. There’s the sound of Pepper trying to unwrap Tootsie Rolls as quietly as possible, while Thor doesn’t quite make the same effort with his Skittles. They’re hardly a half hour into the movie when JARVIS makes another announcement.

_“Sir, Agent Coulson is on the line.”_

“Again with this, JARVIS?” Tony says with an aggrieved sigh.

The mood is rapidly plummeting with each of JARVIS’s announcements. As he rises to check the status of the scan, Tony looks between Pepper and Steve. Pepper twiddles two Pixie Stix absently, toying with them but making no move to open either. Steve stares at a point just below the television screen, making it appear as though he’s keeping his mind on the movie when Tony knows he isn’t. Clint takes a particularly loud bite of his candy apple, refusing to acknowledge that JARVIS had even spoken.

_“I’m afraid he’s insisting.”_

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll see about that. Huh.”

“What’s up, Stark?” Natasha asks, watching his carefully as he studies the results of the scan.

“No bugs, viruses, malware or anything suspicious detected. The Tower’s secure,” Tony said, frowning in confusion.

“Perhaps a foe seeks to ruin this holiday by playing a cruel joke?” Thor suggests.

“It wouldn’t surprise me,” Natasha says drily.

_“Shall I put him on, sir?”_

The thought of being tricked, that someone would use the dead agent’s memory against them, gets Tony’s blood boiling. He picks up the phone.

“You know what? Yeah. Put him on, JARVIS,” Tony says, listening as the call connected. “Listen, you’ve got a lot of nerve—“

**_“Mr. Stark, we need to talk.”_ **

Whatever Tony had been about to say dies on his tongue. He disconnects the call immediately.

“Okay. Okay, that wasn’t creepy,” Tony says.

“Well, whoever it is has his voice down exactly,” Natasha observes. “Why did you hang up? We could have traced the call.”

Pepper knows why. She knows it’s too close to when Phil had come to see them with the file on the Avengers Initiative. In fact, it almost mirrors it perfectly and it’s just a little too far out of Tony’s comfort zone. So she steps in.

“If they call again, then we’ll keep the call connected,” Pepper says. “Let’s not focus on that for now, alright? Why doesn’t everyone just sit down and concentrate on the mo—“

_“Sir, Agent Coulson is on the line.”_

“That was fast,” Clint says.

“Right, great. JARVIS start tracking the call please,” Tony says, running a hand over his face as he picks up the phone once again. “Hello?”

**_“Hello again, Mr. Stark. Phone trouble?”_ **

“You could say that,” Tony says. Oh god, he’s talking to a dead man. “What do you want?”

**_“We need to talk.”_ **

“Yeah, you mentioned that,” Tony points out. “What about?”

**_“I would prefer if we could speak in person.”_ **

“…what,” Tony says flatly.

_“Sir… it seems my protocols have been overridden.”_

“…WHAT,” Tony says again, panic rising in his tone.

“Stark, what the hell is going on?” Steve demands, rising up out of his seat, his eyes echoing the panic that Tony feels.

**_“If you’ll stay put, I’ll be with you shortly.”_ **

“What the fuck is this, Tony!?” Clint growls, looking no less-unsure than the rest of them.

_“Sir, I’ve traced the call.”_

Tony can hear his heart pounding in his ears when he asks where it’s coming from. Bruce, as he rose from his seat, managed to hit the volume control on the remote, and the audio fills the entire floor. They all whip their heads around to the television.

“Jill, this is sergeant Sacker. Listen to me. We've traced the call... it's coming from inside the house. Now a squad car's coming over there right now, just get out of that house!”

Bruce fumbles with the remote, hitting the mute button.

_“Sir, the call is coming from inside the Tower.”_

The elevator doors open with a near silent _whoosh_ to reveal a man who looks like Phil Coulson, pale and ghostly with dark circles beneath his eyes. Tony shrieks and hurls the phone in his hand at the ghoulish apparition, who manages to side-step just in time to avoid the projectile, but not in time to avoid the wrath of a very angry Thor. The god of thunder grabs him in a tight embrace, shaking him once as the other Avengers jump into attack-mode.

“Who are you that you wear the visage of the late Son of Coul?” Thor demands.

“Thor… it’s me…!” the man grunts.

“Wrong answer,” Natasha says, her tone low and dangerous as she raises her knives.

“Hold it, hold it!” Steve hollers. “JARVIS get the lights!”

The lights come on immediately. Were it any other situation, Steve might have laughed at the sight of Tony standing courageously in front of Pepper as she wields a small lamp, looking out for blood. Indeed, all of them appear to be ready to do bodily harm to their intruder, but Steve has other plans.

“Thor, release him,” Steve says.

Thor doesn’t look pleased about this, but does as Steve asks, dropping the intruder unceremoniously on the floor. The man sits where he’s dropped, seemingly trying to catch his breath as he holds his shoulder, his left arm hanging limply at his side. Steve crouches in front of him. By all accounts he does _look_ like Coulson.

“Who are you?” Steve asks.

“Agent Coulson,” the man responds.

“He’s dead.”

“Not as dead as I should be.”

Steve narrows his eyes at that.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he says, his voice an authoritative rumble.

“You were told I was dead and I was. I just didn’t stay that way,” the man answers, wincing as he sits a little straighter. “For reasons concerning my personal safety… you couldn’t be notified until today.”

“Supposing you’re telling the truth,” Steve says, trying to take this all in. “Then you won’t mind answering one question for me.”

“If it’ll help.”

“When you came to bring me to the Helicarrier and we had a discussion on the Quinjet, you said it was an honor to meet me. Officially,” Steve says. “What did you say after that?”

He’s surprised to see twin spots of color rise on the man’s pale cheeks. “…I think I might prefer to stay dead.”

Steve glares. The man clears his throat.

“I said I’d watched you while you were sleeping,” he says.

Steve’s eyes soften, just a fraction. No one else would know that, unless Coulson had told them, and he was willing to bet the man had tried his hardest to forget he’d ever said it. Steve would like very much to believe the man in front of them is Phil Coulson. He’s sure the others would, too. But they can’t simply open themselves up; if they’re wrong, losing him might hurt even worse the second time.

“JARVIS, get Fury on the line,” Tony pipes up.

_“Of course, sir.”_

It isn’t a moment later that they hear Nick Fury, sounding completely unsurprised by their call.

**_“Let me guess: He didn’t wait a day like I told him to.”_ **

“So… that’s really…?” Bruce asks, his question dropping off as he raises his eyebrows.

**_“Yes, that’s really Phil Coulson. Did he tell you we couldn’t alert you to the fact that he was alive for his own safety?”_ **

“Yeah, he mentioned that,” Clint says.

**_“Good. I don’t want any of you getting the wrong impression and crying to me about how I lied to you or swearing vengeance in his honor or who knows what the fuck else. I put up with enough shit from you people to begin with. Coulson.”_ **

“Yeah, boss?” Phil asks.

**_“I told you to wait a day. Personally, I hope they whooped your ass for showing up like a goddamn zombie on Halloween.”_ **

“With all due respect, sir, I’ve been under lock and key in a hospital room for five months. If you thought I was going to wait another day, you don’t know me very well,” Phil responds calmly.

**_“Which is exactly why there were ten armed S.H.I.E.L.D. agents tracking your movements.”_ **

“There were. I lost them about seven blocks ago,” Phil responds.

**_“Why am I not surprised?”_ **

They hear a long-suffering sigh from the other end of the phone.

**_“Well, he’s your problem now. I expect all of you in tomorrow for a debriefing at 9:30 sharp. Do. Not. Be. Late.”_ **

They hear the click of the call ending and stand in silence for a moment. None of them are quite certain what to do with the information that’s just been thrust upon them. It’s odd, surreal. But all eyes in the room are fixed on the not-so-dead man sitting on the floor. He offers an apologetic half-smile.

“At the very least, I wasn’t crass enough to say ‘Trick or Treat,’” Phil says.

That’s got Pepper shaking her head with a watery laugh, some of the tension having been drained from that single sentence. It’s Steve who helps him up with a smile, noting with some concern that he doesn’t appear to be moving his left arm.

“I’ve caused you harm,” Thor notes, his expression troubled and deeply remorseful.

“It’s not that bad,” Phil assures him. He looks suddenly uncomfortable. “In any case, it looks like I’ve done a pretty good job of ruining your night with my… impatience. We can wait until tomorrow’s debrief to—“

“No,” Steve says firmly, his hand still on Phil’s right arm.

“You make it sound like you’ve got a choice about leaving,” Tony says. “You’re staying right here, you son of a bitch.”

Phil raises an eyebrow at that.

“Do you honestly think we’re going to let you out of our sight now, Phil?” Pepper asks.

“You brought this on yourself, Coulson,” Natasha says with a shrug.

“We’ve got cider donuts,” Clint says, trying to sound enticing.

Phil shakes his head with a huff of quiet laughter, too moved, for a moment, to speak. Quickly, efficiently, he tucks that bit of emotion away; it wouldn’t do to get teary-eyed in front of them, would it? Instead he nods with a small smile.

“Well, I do have a fondness for cider donuts.”

It’s decidedly the best Halloween any of them have had.

**Author's Note:**

> This little thing popped into my head, about Phil having terrible timing to return from the grave, so to speak. The poem is one I my father used to recite to me as a child (and still does). So I hope you all enjoyed it! Happy Halloween, everyone!


End file.
